Gloria Steinem, Journalist

"Most women's magazines simply try to mold women into bigger and better consumers."

It's a perfect ploy, and certain magazines whose names begin with “C” do it all the time. First, make women paranoid about how they look with articles about “How To Shed That Winter Lard” and “Are You Ancient at 25?” Then fill your pages with diet formulas and makeup and a hundred other things to make women lose their minds. No wonder there are so many Ally McBeals out there seeing giant babies and hallucinating on dates.

Lily Tomlin

“Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.” ~ Lily Tomlin

This reminds me of a friend of mine. He wasn't exactly obsessed with comedy/tragedy masks, but they sure popped up a lot when he was around. The fact that he was a ballet dancer probably had something to do with that. Anyway, one day he told me all about the bumper sticker on his car which, predictably, had drama masks on it. (That was the only predictable thing about him.) The sticker said, “If you don't laugh, you're gonna cry.” We were in his car on the way to the burial of one of his colleagues. As we drove through the gate, he said, “There's been a problem with this graveyard.”

“Oh yeah?” I asked in all my gullibility.

“Yeah,” he said with a completely straight face. “People are dying to get in.”